Bors Blog

Census Crazy

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 07:00:00 +0000

I filled out my 2010 census form yesterday. It took all of two minutes, but I noticed a peculiar phrase at the beginning. The form said I should "count all people, including babies..."

Including babies? What sort of person wouldn't already think of a baby as a unique person worthy of counting? Who but a communist would need that clarified for them - or feel the need to clarify it to to others? DO WE NOT COUNT THE FETUS?!

Conservatives believe all sorts of nonsense about the census and, not surprisingly, oppose filling out the race portion of the form for fear of... I don't know, a non-white or a non-missile getting a Federal penny? Beck bizarrely posits, "they are asking the race question to try to increase slavery" and many conservatives will be writing in "American" for their race. (Upon informing my brother of this, he replied, "That sounds like a race of assholes.")

Now I know Beck doesn't literally believe people have been alive since 1790, but since the things he believes about the census are almost as absurd I decided to run with it for the sake of a joke. Also, this comic is merely an illustrated version of a blog post I did last week, then took down, so to make up for that I will have another cartoon this Friday on Jihadi Jane.

America's Book

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:10:00 +0000

Karl Rove's book topped Amazon's bestseller list, unseating "Rework," whose authors (or publisher, most likely) responded with a brilliant Rovian attack ad.

Two Turds for Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 17:10:00 +0000

Time for turds.

(click here to view)

Gordon Campbell
Freelance
Mar 16, 2010

EditorialCartoonists.com

Warning: You are in Turdland! A place where large mounds of Photoshop doodie fertilize the Kalashnikov Cacti.

(click here to view)

Douglas MacGregor
The News-Press
Mar 16, 2010

EditorialCartoonists.com

Douglas MacGregor should probably take his own advice and stop filling out March Madness brackets on the job. That way, he'll have more than five minutes to photoshop the same plane all over his comic.

Pedophiles grossed out by lesbians

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 04:33:00 +0000

The Catholic Church, the most prolific pedophile ring in history - even establishing its own city, has recently booted toddlers out of one of its schools for having parents that apparently love each other, but also happen to have vaginas. This kind of discrimination, by a prolific pedophile ring no less, should probably be illegal. But so should pedophile rings. I'm outraged by the story while also pleased that the chances of these two children being molested by pedophiles has now been significantly reduced.

This story comes as news that the pedophile ring's current leader, Joe Ratzinger, didn't blink when a known pedophile was placed under him in a position where he could rape more children and rob them of their innocence, which, of course, he did.

Wednesday: Glenn Beck. He's crazy.

That's a lot of Trouble

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 21:41:00 +0000

Congrats to Lloyd Dangle on his 1,000th Troubletown strip. Bors Blog salutes you!

Illustration Friday

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 08:00:00 +0000

A woman goes on a tear with her stroller - one she's using as a shopping cart.

And an illustration for the ACLU on military vs. civilian trials for alleged terrorists.

Karl's Courage

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 04:59:00 +0000

Karl Rove's memoir was released this week, amazingly titled "Courage and Consequence." In it he humbly fesses up to his biggest blunder: not smearing people who pointed out their lies hard enough. Given that opponents of the war were at one time considered Saddam-fellating Benedict Arnolds by mainstream media commentators, I'm not quite sure what he thinks should have been done.

Fired Up. Ready To Knock.

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:22:00 +0000

Watch out health insurance companies: Obama's rolling up his shirt sleeves and raising his voice in speeches! Whoever said passing laws was about back room deals, bribes and ideological trench warfare apparently has never listened to a rousing speech by our president. He has the solution for passing the bill: get active!

"I'm kind of fired up," Obama said at the beginning of his remarks, a variation on his oft-stated 2008 refrain, "Fired up. Ready to go." And he included an appeal to his audience – many of whom were students – to help in the same ways they might in a campaign. "So I need you to knock on doors. Talk to your neighbors. Pick up the phone," he urged them.

OK. I'm picking up my phone. It's picked - I'm holding it in my hand right now! Should I send a mass text urging everyone in my contacts to support passage of the bill? Should I call my grandma? (It's been too long and I wonder if she's figured out how to pronounce your name yet.)

Should I knock on my neighbor's door and gab her ears off about health care reform? She really loves when I wonk out and demand that she call or write her representative immediately. Makes her want to hang out with me more.

I understand the problem now. It's not Republican obstruction, Democratic weakness, the undemocratic Senate or the fact that corporate interests control both parties. It's me. I haven't been knocking on enough doors this past year.

But I'll do it for health care. Because after all, I still don't have any. I'll even write a joke to help persuade the nation. Print it out and leaflet your neighborhood. DO IT.

------

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Health care reform.
Health care reform wh-- hold on, my phone is ringing. Hello? Yes, health care reform, I know. Some asshole is at my door right now telling me about it. I've got people knocking, neighbors coming by, motherfuckers blowing up my phone. I joined a Facebook group about health care reform getting more fans than Nickleback. Guess what? I already support health care reform. Yup, I'm all aboard. Even that shitty thing Obama calls reform will do at this point. So stop bothering me and pass the damn thing so Rush Limbaugh will move out of the fucking country, which is where I might be going to get some health care if you keep this up.

Asay: Students should have M-16s

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:29:00 +0000

Great analogy, Chuck. That's exactly what college is like.

(click here to view)

Chuck Asay
Creators Syndicate Inc.
Mar 8, 2010

EditorialCartoonists.com

Shot

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:25:00 +0000

Starbucks is now allowing customers to pack heat while they wait for their foamed poopalotta. It's not something I get worked up over one way or the other, but open-carry advocates are really into the idea of letting everyone in every possible location know they have a gun. Probably due to micropenis.

Wednesday: Rove's Mea Culpa

Illustration Friday

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 07:00:00 +0000

A guy really likes talking about his personal relationship with God.

Unreal

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 03:50:00 +0000

The earth completed another rotation on its axis, so that means Obama must have sissified, scaled back, or completely shit on another campaign pledge. Sure enough, a big dump is in the works:

President Obama's advisers are nearing a recommendation that Khalid Sheik Mohammed, the self-proclaimed mastermind of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, be prosecuted in a military tribunal, administration officials said, a step that would reverse Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr.'s plan to try him in civilian court in New York City.

Burtonomics

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:33:00 +0000

I've been waiting a long time to draw this one.

D) None Of The Above

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 09:00:00 +0000

An e-mail arrived Monday morning about a reprint. Could a college group organizing a debate about the existence of god use this cartoon on their flyer? No big deal and no money involved for a handful of flyers so I granted permission, pointing out that the work was not to be altered or appear out of context. Good luck convincing everyone to be rational, fellow traveler!

They replied, appreciating my prompt response, but wanted to run a slight alteration by me. Could they use it this way?

Oh hey, yeah! Turn my explicitly atheist comic into second-rate Jack Chick tract for a Jesus meeting – no biggie!

Permission not granted.

To You I Present The Following Sentence

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 07:24:00 +0000

Rolling Stone: "Lady Gaga arrives with a rhinestone encrusted crustacean on her face..."

Yay for bipartisanship!

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:49:00 +0000

Who says Washington is in gridlock? Today Obama went back on yet another campaign pledge by extending The Patriot Act for a year, a bill he said gave the government "powers it didn't need to invade our privacy without cause or suspicion" back in 2005. The House voted 315 to 97 in favor of the extension. No summit needed!

Sure, during campaign years Democrats will make noises about these police state excesses of the Bush era, but in reality everyone is pretty much on board. After all, a guy did melt his genitals with an underwear bomb recently. What's Dick Cheney keep giving himself heart attacks over?

I expect a lot of rationalizations from Obama's beleaguered fan base (hands tied, takes time, yadda yadda) that you wouldn't hear if that dumb ass dry drunk decider from Texas did the same thing.

Aerial Activism

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 04:47:00 +0000

I'm a little late with a Joe Stack cartoon – my schedule sometimes does that to me – but I wanted to point out that white privilege apparently extends to domestic terrorism. Glenn Greenwald wrote well about the media's inability to drop the T-word on a non-Muslim.

Just imagine the discussion if: Joe Stack was a radical Muslim. Joe Stack was a black militant Marxist opposed to capitalism. Joe Stack as he was, but with a larger plane that killed, say, one hundred people instead on one. Tinkering with one small factor such as race or religion is the deciding factor in whether conservatives will set up a Facebook shrine for the attacker or for the imposition of martial law. They are unprincipled maniacs.

I'm sure we'll see more attacks soon.

Wednesday: More Tim Burton Remakes

It Had To Happen

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 22:57:00 +0000

Behold: an editorial cartoonist labels his cartoon an "editorial cartoon."

(click here to view)

Douglas MacGregor
The News-Press
Feb 27, 2010

EditorialCartoonists.com

Illustration Friday

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 07:00:00 +0000

A woman puts on makeup in her car while tossing trash out the window.

Social Networking

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:57:00 +0000

It's easy to forget that sites like Facebook don't exist simply for the sublime pleasure of reuniting you with high school classmates you vaguely remember, but actually seek to make a ton of money collecting personal data to sell targeted advertising and map consumer habits. If a corporation, government agency or religious institution presented us with that plan on paper, we'd be repulsed... so someone made it fun!

Won't you be my Facebook friend?

Sketches

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:47:00 +0000

From last night's New Oregon Interview Series on urban planning. Below is Portland Monthly editor Randy Gragg and architect Brad Cloepfil. The sketch of mayor Sam Adams is not included since it turned out looking like poo.

I got lucky at the after party – by which I mean I won an oversized Coors shirt in a bar raffle. Finally I can dress to impress.

Developmentally Designed?

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:39:00 +0000

It has always puzzled me that the people who ascribe the most insanely vindictive qualities to their god do so approvingly.

Oh No Yoo Didn't

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 22:19:00 +0000

Not only does John Yoo inexplicably live outside of a prison - he teaches law. See TPM's latest on his fun legal theories for killing and torturing people.

Mailbag Douchebag

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 10:44:00 +0000

William writes:

Do your research and you will discover that GEORGE is as statist as BARACK Wake up and smell the coffee BOY. The good news is that Arkansas may elect the first openly republican black female to the congress ever.

I am going TEABAG at your tea party if you can figure that one out you RACIST SOB

I cannot figure that one out.

Nuclear Family

noreply@blogger.com (Matt Bors) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 10:21:00 +0000

This might be amusing or might be dumb. More on Wednesday.