Matt Bors
Comics, Politics & Ridicule


I want to be clear here: I gave Churchkey beer a shot. I did. I purchased it for the novelty and came away disappointed at what a shitty beer I found inside its hard-to-open can. This is a bad product. If the beer had been goodreally goodI could pass this off as “neat” and buy it from time to time so I could go, “Hey, look at this neat silly beer I’m drinking.” But since it’s a bad beer dressed up in a bunch of obnoxious adspeak about your “beer experience” I felt compelled to do a take down. This is the stupid craft beer counterpart to the “technology” of Coors and other brands whose beers change color when they achieve ideal coldness.

I also despise this misplaced nostalgia for eras people didn’t personally experience, in which some certain way of doing something supposedly embodies all that was good about the time. The can states, “We hope you will join us in paying homage to an era of hard work, community, and some great stories.” Because today’s lazy beer drinkers, with their conveniently opened beers, have no sense of community and tell lousy stories. It’s pretty simple: beers once came in sealed cans and then a convenient technology came along they stopped doing that immediately. So just make good beer that people want to exchange money for and put it in cans or bottles so we can get it in our mouths right.

01.31.2013 |



mattbors@gmail.com