Matt Bors
Comics, Politics & Ridicule

Bors Blog

Santorum Doesn’t Even Like Synonyms For “Gay”

I don't want you to miss this amid election news. Back from his rocket trip with a new book,"American Patriots," Rick Santorum is warning of the latest dangers laying siege to this great nation. One of them? Happiness. Yes, really:

“Did God give us the right to pursue a good time? Don’t get me wrong—happiness is a wonderful emotion and a state to be desired. But is that what our founders really intended to be the pursuit of our country and its people—to be happy? Let’s put it this way: How would you like your tombstone to read, ‘Here lies [your name]. He/she was happy’? Count me out! Isn’t life supposed to be more significant than that? Let’s face it—many of life’s pleasures are not even good for us, as my waistline constantly reminds me.”

Tombstones indicating a satisfactory existence? No thanks. Besides, did the founding fathers even want us to be happy? I think they wanted us to be miserable. And my waistline is growing. So happiness from eating food is bad. Though if I lose weight, I'd feel better about my health – also bad. What to do. I have a book for Rick he might enjoy the cover of. Inside it's all secular philosophy and other stuff he doesn't like, which, I guess, mean he does?  
10.23.2012 |



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