Matt Bors
Comics, Politics & Ridicule


Democrats fixed their party platform last week in Charlotte to guard against the Republican demand that it feature some sort of reference to the Judeo-Christian concept of god. Obama himself was said to have intervened by people who invent narratives and feed them to reporters to disseminate. Noted subversive communist Van Jones was upset about the omniscient deity that created the cosmos not making it in the American Democratic Party’s 2012 platform, saying, “If we’re going to be inclusive as a party, then that doesn’t mean that you leave out people like myself.” According to Jones, not mentioning a specific deity excludes those people, leaving people such as myself, who follow the Flying Spaghetti Monster, out in the cold. Obama needs do some more intervening.

Tossing the word “god” on a sheet of paper isn’t really a big deal, and it’s something Democrats should have seen coming, but it would be awful nice if we stopped with this whole charade. It would feel a little more genuine if politicians ending speeches with “God bless you and god bless America!” did so because they literally believed it and not to avoid weeks of ruthless interrogation by the media as to their level of godlessness and whether or not their mother is a jackal. The greatest leap of faith you could take would be to think all of our liberal, college educated, big city Democratic politicians believe in and pray to a god. Yet no one invited to speak at the DNC can even acknowledge the fact that they don’t follow a religion, that many of their constituents do not either, and that this is all completely normal, a-okay, non-evil, a growing trend, and preferable.

09.10.2012 |
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